PARENTING has never been more challenging than in this digital age. With children almost completely reliant on their gadgets — whether for school, entertainment and even to socialize — Mom and Dad’s uncertainty is at maximum level. Among the most common questions of parents are: “How long should I allow my child screen time?” “Should I closely monitor what they’re doing or who they’re with online?” “And what if they’re cyberbullied?”

With these in mind, The Manila Times Lifestyle held a forum titled “Achievement Unlocked: Parenting for XYZ” on Thursday.

Moderated by Times Lifestyle and Entertainment editor Tessa Mauricio

Arriola and editor Dafort Villaseran, the forum saw a formidable panel of speakers on parenting. They included Dr. Michele Alignay, family psychologist and digital well-being advocate; Angeli Pangilinan-Valenciano, celebrity mom and GV Productions Inc. president; Wilma Bañaga, Save the Children Child Protection adviser; and Dr. Randy Dellosa, psychiatrist, psychologist and life coach.

Alignay said that generations X and

Z are called “digitalzen,” which means technology is integral to their system.

“They don’t need to learn it because they were born with digital at their fingertips,” he pointed out.

What is important is that they develop into media-literate individuals, which happens when parents instill discipline in them and build their foundation with the proper principles.

“If our kids are media-literate, it means they know the truth, they know what is harmful, their values are intact, and they will understand what is safe and not. They will be armed with resiliency,” he said.

The panelists all had specific parenting tips to share, but the general message they gave is the establishment of discipline from the very start — a child’s foundation.

Alignay said that parenting and family dynamics need to be solid and consistent.

“So that if peers, media, anything outside would penetrate the kids’ world, it would still be okay because the parents would have a greater influence on the kids.”

Bañaga stressed the role of positive disciplining, which Save the Children has been promoting as a nonviolent way of parenting.

“For us in Save the Children, we don’t look at the word discipline as being one and the same as punishment. Discipline means teaching and guiding children. This is not something you only do when a child has committed a mistake. Because when you teach and guide children, you do this every single day — from the time that a child is an infant to up to a time that they are teenagers,” he said.

“It is an approach to parenting that teaches children and guides their behavior while respecting their rights to healthy development, protection from violence and participation in learning. Positive discipline is based on research on children’s healthy development and effective parenting and founded on child’s rights principles.

“Positive discipline is not letting children do whatever they want. It is not about having no rules, not about having quick reactions and it’s not about punishment,” she added.

Bañaga continued that a positive discipline model starts with identifying long-term goals for child-rearing. Examples are raising responsible, independent and peace-loving children. Next to the model is providing warmth and structure, understanding how children think and feel, and lastly, a problem-solving approach rather than a punitive one.

“Once you’ve set your long-term goals, it will serve as your guide. If you want your children to grow up to be a responsible adult, then every single day iniisip ninyo kung paano ninyo tuturuan ang inyong anak paano maging responsable. Kailangang i-model itong behavior na ito. Model good behavior, we always tell parents this,” she said.

Meanwhile, Dellosa said that people should learn from the older generation’s parenting, “Learn from the mistakes of your parents in their own parenting. Don’t go the opposite way, go the middle way because any extreme in parenting is probably wrong.”

“The family also has to be likable. The child has to like being in the family. Otherwise, it will look for an alternative family,” he added.

Dellosa said that parents should only be “good enough” as there is no manual to parenthood.

“Try our best and good enough is OK as long as we learn from our mistakes. Parenthood is stressful. It is very important na meron kayong hingahan. It can take the form of God. Secondly, you need to have people to talk to because if we keep it inside, then we’re the ones who will be depressed,” he said.

Pangilinan-Valenciano stressed the role of spirituality in raising disciplined children, “The spirit is nurtured through prayer and the word of God. Did we do that to our children? How did you nurture their spirit?”

“Discipline is different from punishment . ... Faith, hope and love are the most important. Listen to your children because that’s the only way the XYZ knows that you love them,” she added.