THE death of a youngster — so full of life, brimming with promise — is always traumatic, but it is even more devastating if a youngster takes his or her own life. Unfortunately, the incidence of teen suicides or youth self-destruction is on the rise. Easy fixes like asking parents to be more vigilant will not address the issue — after all, youngsters are very jealous about their autonomy.

One of the commonest reasons for youngsters taking their own lives is failed relations: boyfriends who leave their girlfriends for other girls (or possibly boys!), and girlfriends who reject their suitors. While failed relations can be difficult, that youngsters go so far as to take their own lives should rouse us all to the realization about the fragility of their self-esteem. A person with a healthy sense of self-worth will be confident about meeting someone else and establishing a promising relationship. A person who has a wholesome sense of self-acceptance will not so easily be floored by rejection.

A fragile sense of worth can be the result of a sheltered childhood — a child shielded from the slings and arrows of an average person’s life either by the prerogatives of wealth or by wrongly protective parents. Heidegger makes a very useful distinction between enabling a person to be himself in the world, and doing it for another person. Unfortunately, it is the latter form that parental assistance — in fact parental “substitution” — very frequently takes. So it is that when life’s barbs fly fast and thick, the youngster is overwhelmed and sees no way out but self-destruction. When, by contrast, a youngster has been taught both by precept as well as by life experiences — lovingly guided by wise and caring parents — that life is no walk in the park or a leisurely stroll amid roses and lilies, then she or he will brave the storms and steel herself/himself against the tempests that life, so very often throws our way.

But another, perhaps more important reason for the vulnerability of our youngsters is the crisis of faith. The knowledge, fear, love and reverence for God that saw our parents and their parents before them through very trying times has simply been eclipsed. Where our parents found comfort and solace in asking for the saints’ protection and in participating in the rites of religion, entrusting themselves to Divine Mercy, our youngsters are votaries of the cult of youth. They cheer youthful idols — K-pop, Thai stars, Chinese matinee idols, etc. — and boys who look like girls and wear as much make-up as girls. They are certainly a pleasure to look at, and there is definitely nothing wrong in being entertained by them, but when our youth make a following of these teenage idols their religion, then obviously they worship gods who are unable to save them, because the Korean, Thai or Chinese stars they so idolize will not even know that they have hanged themselves in their closets or rooms — nor will they be bothered in the least by these tragedies!

My mother told me something I shall never forget: “You know, hijo,” she said, “when things just get too heavy for me and I cannot see how to fix it, I lift it up to Him.” That is how much my mother trusted, and her faith kept her afloat even in the most trying of times. And when my father was brought to the hospital — what would turn out to be his last confinement — I urged him: “Daddy, you pray,” and he answered me almost in rebuke: “I pray everyday, especially for the three of you.” Our parents left us that life-guard: prayer and an abiding faith in God.

That is a precious legacy parents can pass on to their children, and a hefty deposit is not needed for it, nor estates, nor bank accounts, nor jewels. These are the treasures of the heart that are passed on by parents who care that their children receive the most precious gifts they can give them.